How To Tell Your Husband He's Going To Be A Dad

I intended to write this yesterday but we got caught up in the festivities of Father's Day (that or I wrestled children to bed much later than usual and I'm claiming it was festivities)

I was reflecting back on the day I told the husband he was going to be a dad and thought it would be a good story to share for Father's Day.

Shortly after we were married I got baby fever. It was probably a combination of nannying a young girl and watching entirely too much TLC's  A Baby Story, but regardless of the cause I had it bad. The husband was... well lets just say much less enthusiastic about it.

After watching a weeks worth of episodes in which people had difficultly conceiving or couldn't at all I became terrified I wouldn't be able to have children. (I don't know where it stems from, but I have always had this fear that if I wanted something too badly it wouldn't happen. There were many things I wouldn't dare speak aloud our of fear of jinxing it.) I shared this fear with the husband who rolled his eyes and thought nothing more of it.

Being the person I am, I started googling any information on conception, pregnancy, and child birth. I decided that I should start tracking my ovulation, just in case I could convince the husband it was a grand idea we decided we wanted to start what was sure to be a long process of conceiving.

Months went by and many things happened. We help care for an ailing grandparent who passed away, followed shortly by the caring for and passing of another. My husband was very close to his grandparents and it was a very trying time. We spent many hours mourning the lost, fighting seasonal sickness ourselves, and getting things in order with the grandparents estate. Little thought was given to any of our own plans.

One morning in early March I woke in bed next to a sleeping husband in a panic. The events following went a little something like this:

I should have started my period this morning! What to do?? Umm, think... I'm house sitting for the people I nanny for, she has a pregnancy test. Don't use the bathroom yet, everything you read says the most accurate read is first thing in the morning.

Holy crap it's hard to not pee in the morning and then get out in the cold and drive across town to go pee on a stick. That's ok, it's not a long drive, you'll make it.

Shuffling through the drawers I realized I was mistaken. Those were not pregnancy tests, they were ovulation tests. Crap!

Back in the cold car I started towards the closest store. Briskly walking through the isles I found nothing and the cashier looked at me as if I were some scandalous teenager when I asked if they carried them. What kind of store doesn't carry pregnancy tests? No worries though because there is a Family Dollar next door.

This time I skipped looking myself and went straight for the register. Oddly enough that's where they were kept (who  knew stealing pregnancy tests was such a big issue) so I snatched one and headed home.

About 3 minutes later I stared in disbelief at a positive test and ran outside to make a secret phone call to the only person it seemed appropriate to call, my friend Lindsey. After a brief freak out I was convinced it must have been wrong, after all it was a store brand pregnancy test, obviously not to be trusted.

About that time the husband woke up. In shock and disbelief I decided that I wasn't going to say a word to anyone until I knew for certain. We went on about our day, running errands and moving furniture into my sisters house. I tried a couple of times to disappear and sneak off to the drug store to get a legit pregnancy test (you know, from a brand that I recognized.... maybe 2 of them) but I couldn't shake my sister. After a few tries I gave up and took her with me, letting her in on the secret on the way.

Hiding in her bathroom the second test confirmed what the first test had said so I did what anyone would do. I sent my husband home to play his new video game. If I had a hard time accepting the news I could only imagine what the husband would need to do to process the information.

Ready to share the news I went home where I presented the husband with a six pack of beer with one bottle replaced by a baby bottle. Once he noticed it he made the confused guy look.

Husband: "What is this? A bottle?"
Me: "No a baby."
Husband: "A baby bottle?"
Me: "No a baby."
Husband: "A baby?"
Me: "Yep, your baby. (long silence) I'm pregnant."

He sat playing his video game, drinking his beer for about an hour before he even said a word.

I think I must have peed on at least 6 pregnancy test of 3 different brands before we were both thoroughly convinced that we were in fact going to be parents. After the shock wore off we were really excited to start the adventure of parenthood.



Looking back on the story, it feels like lifetime ago. I knew before we were ever married what a great dad he would be, but I couldn't have imagined how much the man who needed to play a couple games and finish a couple beers to swallow the news of becoming a parent would be so consumed by our girls.

He loves and cares for them like no one else ever could. If you tell him the story he laughs and denies it was such a big thing to process, probably because we couldn't imagine our lives any other way.

Happy Father's Day to the best daddy I know! Our girls and I feel very lucky to have you.

Over Worked Under Paid

I'm feeling unappreciated these days.

If my husband comes home from work and promptly leaves to golf one more day this week I may lose it.

Such it the life of a stay at home mom. People get so used to having things done for them they forget that clothes don't clean and fold themselves and that dinner didn't make itself and jump onto the table promptly at 5:30. I would love to know what it felt like to get up in the morning and take a nice long hot shower while someone else made my coffee and my lunch. I would love to sit down to a meal that I didn't make, didn't plan, or do the shopping for. I would LOVE to actually get off of work. You know, an actual end to the work day...at any point before 8:30 after fighting kids to sleep.

Life really isn't all that bad, just one of those days where I'm feeling sorry for myself and how 'rough' I have it. I think I'm going to order this coffee mug to sip wine coffee from on the days I need to wallow in self- pity before pulling it together and getting back to work.

House Hunting: Not for the Faint of Heart

Who would have known how emotionally exhausting house hunting would be? Surely not this girl. I thought to myself; you have no time restraints to work within, no limitations on the place in which you live (so long as it is no more than 40 miles in any direction from Kansas City), and a good sense of what you want in a home. This is going to be so fun and exciting!

Oh was I wrong.

Turns out the husband did not share in my enthusiasm of starting our lives in a new home anywhere our hearts desire, so long as it meant getting exactly what we want.
Turns out we would get a lot less for our money than I thought we would.
Turns out we did not have a good fit with our realtor.
Turns out the house we fell in love with has structural issues and we cannot purchase it.
Turns out breaking up with our realtor was a good choice, as our new realtor is patient in answering our questions and assuring us she understands our wants/needs and and will do everything she can to find us the perfect home.
Turns out I would eat my words on NEVER living in a split level home.

I had no idea how emotionally draining it would be looking at the same small handful of houses day after day as no new listings came up. I made matters worse for myself when I decided to look at a house out of our price range out of frustration.

Burnt out and ready to give up on the whole thing, there were couple things that happened to turn it around. We used a program through USAA that; 1)set us up with a realtor who better suited our needs, and 2) gives us cash back at closing. (Seriously, who doesn't love cash back??) We also learned about a Kansas first time buyer down payment assistance program that would make financing a home as a single income family much more manageable. After discussing with the husband our priorities in our first home we determined that property trumped aesthetics of the home and we found a house that suits our needs with a substantial amount of our wish list fulfilled as well.

We have made it through the agonizing wait after submitting our offer and were very lucky to have a great counter so we didn't have to do much haggling to get our needs met. We still have  to go through the inspection process and the loan closing where there may be more unexpected obstacles, but for now I'm feeling relieved to have made it this far in the process.

Looking back to February when we started this process, I would never have thought it would have taken this long or been so difficult. I should have listened to the warning,
"House hunting isn't for the faint of heart."