Birth Story: Marinn Lee

Much like Amelia's birth story, Marinn's too is coming long after the fact. I don't know why I have such delay in putting it on paper, I've shared the story with people who probably didn't care to know as much as I told (merely because I'm so impressed by what the human body is capable of!) That being said, I need to preface this post as I did Amelia's birth story:

Be warned: this is not an 'envision the flower opening, take a deep breath, and push out new life' kind of story. I guess I'm an over sharer.

On December 19, 2011 I woke earlier than I would have liked. Sleeping at the end of pregnancy has its challenges. To say the heartburn was severe would be an understatement. Couple that with an extremely stretched stomach due to a baby insisting on staying curled tightly instead of stretching out and giving my skin a break and getting comfortable was a challenge.  Add frequent waking to use the bathroom and a two year old boycotting sleep in any form, but especially in her own room, and sleep was nearly non-existent. My body craved sleep but the toddler craved sustenance so I rolled out of bed and started breakfast. After a trip to the bathroom I notice a slight tinge of pink when I wiped. - Hell yeah! This baby may come before Christmas after all!

I had all but given up on ever having this baby. You see, I was quite certain I would be delivering early as I did with Amelia so there would be no worry of a birth interfering with Christmas celebrations. When days went by with no signs of progressing my hope dwindled. At the last midwife appointment I went to they did a physical exam and there was talk of deciding to induce before Christmas or waiting it out and maybe having a new year baby. I cried after leaving that appointment. This pregnancy was draining both physically and emotionally and I was ready to have this baby, but this baby seemed quite content to stay put.

After breakfast I took a shower and got ready for my weekly appointment with the midwife. Amelia and I played for a while before we took the short drive over to my in-laws house where Amelia would be staying while I went to my appointment. I was relieved not to be taking her, coaxing a two year old to sit still while laying on a table for a physical examination was challenging the last go round. It was an hour drive to my appointment and on the way I wished I would have remembered to pack a snack or quit scheduling my appointments during lunch time. Hungry and tired I arrived at my appointment.

There wasn't much of a wait in the office. Once you move to weekly visits you have the routine down pat. When the midwife came in she asked the usual questions, how are you feeling, any changes, etc. I was excited to share the news that I thought I may actually have a baby before Christmas due to the fact I had a pinkish tinge when wiping. (You feel so comfortable over-sharing with a midwife.) We checked blood pressure and discussed a few more things before the physical exam. I climbed up on the table and put my feet in the stir-ups, so lovingly adorn with ovenmits, and received the best news ever! I was dilated to a three (something I was afraid wouldn't happen without the use of pitocin after last times experience) and my cervix had thinned. She looked at me and said, "You'll be having a baby before Christmas. Would you like to help it along? I can stretch your membranes if you'd like and we can see if that helps you move along."

My answer was,  "Of course yes! I cannot not wait to be done with this pregnancy. I'll try not to get too excited, I mean I haven't had a single contraction."

She looked at me as though I was crazy and said, "You're having a contraction right now. Can't you feel that?" She guided my hand to the hard lump that was my belly.

Feeling a little silly I confessed I thought it was just the baby moving. I had been so uncomfortable in the third trimester and she insisted on staying so low in the uterus that it was uncomfortable when she would move and I just assumed that was what I was feeling.

I left the appointment with my instructions to stay hydrated, get some rest and unless they hear from me before, they will see me at next weeks appointment. I sent a quick text to Andy who was working that said: Dilated to a 3 and they stretched my membranes! But they also said they will see me at next weeks appointment so we will see...

After hearing good news there was only one thing I wanted and that was food. I put the car into drive and headed towards home. I felt my stomach tighten and giggled a bit thinking to myself, "That's not just a baby moving!"

I pulled up to the Burger King drive-thru and ordered a burger. As I pulled around to the window to pick it up I had a contraction only this time I didn't giggle because it hurt! So much for eating. Taking my food, I drove to pick up Amelia from my in-laws. I was relieved to hear no nap was taken at Nanny's house because I was tired and hoping for a nap myself. I tucked Amelia into bed and climbed into my own and drifted off to sleep.

Fall Traditions: Pumpkin Patch

Starting shortly after my nephew was born our family started gathering together for a trip to the pumpkin patch. It was a good excuse for the whole family to get together and really, who doesn't like a pumpkin patch?

We make the long drive every year so we can visit the same pumpkin patch (even though no one lives close anymore) because it's our tradition. Plus who can turn down a hayride/petting zoo/train ride/ show combo? Add in a country store carrying delicious Amish made goods and a turkey leg and you've got the whole package.

I have even become less afraid of Tony the lama as the years have gone by. (My sister probably wouldn't say the same, she got spit on. Those scars will last.)

What started as a few of us has grown into 15. I love looking back at this time each year and watching our family grow.

Saints and Sailors

I'm not a hot-head.

I don't feel the need to yell and scream and throw things when I'm upset.

Neither does my husband - football games excluded.

I think we have done a spectacular job keeping our cool during this renovation process, even when things aren't working as planned, tools go missing, fingers smashed, etc. After all, little eyes and ears are constantly around, soaking in all we do and say.

And then it happened.

The girls visited their grandparents twice in as many weeks. Each time when we have gone to pick them up we were greeted by a story in which our sweet, lovely three year old announced that someone or thing, "pissed her out."

I must admit, I found it hard not to laugh at the miswording. but this little face saying those things??

For days now when I look at her I hear Chris Carrabba singing the soundtrack to our day.

Oh, Amelia....

you smile like a saint, but you curse like a sailor... 

How To Tell Your Husband He's Going To Be A Dad

I intended to write this yesterday but we got caught up in the festivities of Father's Day (that or I wrestled children to bed much later than usual and I'm claiming it was festivities)

I was reflecting back on the day I told the husband he was going to be a dad and thought it would be a good story to share for Father's Day.

Shortly after we were married I got baby fever. It was probably a combination of nannying a young girl and watching entirely too much TLC's  A Baby Story, but regardless of the cause I had it bad. The husband was... well lets just say much less enthusiastic about it.

After watching a weeks worth of episodes in which people had difficultly conceiving or couldn't at all I became terrified I wouldn't be able to have children. (I don't know where it stems from, but I have always had this fear that if I wanted something too badly it wouldn't happen. There were many things I wouldn't dare speak aloud our of fear of jinxing it.) I shared this fear with the husband who rolled his eyes and thought nothing more of it.

Being the person I am, I started googling any information on conception, pregnancy, and child birth. I decided that I should start tracking my ovulation, just in case I could convince the husband it was a grand idea we decided we wanted to start what was sure to be a long process of conceiving.

Months went by and many things happened. We help care for an ailing grandparent who passed away, followed shortly by the caring for and passing of another. My husband was very close to his grandparents and it was a very trying time. We spent many hours mourning the lost, fighting seasonal sickness ourselves, and getting things in order with the grandparents estate. Little thought was given to any of our own plans.

One morning in early March I woke in bed next to a sleeping husband in a panic. The events following went a little something like this:

I should have started my period this morning! What to do?? Umm, think... I'm house sitting for the people I nanny for, she has a pregnancy test. Don't use the bathroom yet, everything you read says the most accurate read is first thing in the morning.

Holy crap it's hard to not pee in the morning and then get out in the cold and drive across town to go pee on a stick. That's ok, it's not a long drive, you'll make it.

Shuffling through the drawers I realized I was mistaken. Those were not pregnancy tests, they were ovulation tests. Crap!

Back in the cold car I started towards the closest store. Briskly walking through the isles I found nothing and the cashier looked at me as if I were some scandalous teenager when I asked if they carried them. What kind of store doesn't carry pregnancy tests? No worries though because there is a Family Dollar next door.

This time I skipped looking myself and went straight for the register. Oddly enough that's where they were kept (who  knew stealing pregnancy tests was such a big issue) so I snatched one and headed home.

About 3 minutes later I stared in disbelief at a positive test and ran outside to make a secret phone call to the only person it seemed appropriate to call, my friend Lindsey. After a brief freak out I was convinced it must have been wrong, after all it was a store brand pregnancy test, obviously not to be trusted.

About that time the husband woke up. In shock and disbelief I decided that I wasn't going to say a word to anyone until I knew for certain. We went on about our day, running errands and moving furniture into my sisters house. I tried a couple of times to disappear and sneak off to the drug store to get a legit pregnancy test (you know, from a brand that I recognized.... maybe 2 of them) but I couldn't shake my sister. After a few tries I gave up and took her with me, letting her in on the secret on the way.

Hiding in her bathroom the second test confirmed what the first test had said so I did what anyone would do. I sent my husband home to play his new video game. If I had a hard time accepting the news I could only imagine what the husband would need to do to process the information.

Ready to share the news I went home where I presented the husband with a six pack of beer with one bottle replaced by a baby bottle. Once he noticed it he made the confused guy look.

Husband: "What is this? A bottle?"
Me: "No a baby."
Husband: "A baby bottle?"
Me: "No a baby."
Husband: "A baby?"
Me: "Yep, your baby. (long silence) I'm pregnant."

He sat playing his video game, drinking his beer for about an hour before he even said a word.

I think I must have peed on at least 6 pregnancy test of 3 different brands before we were both thoroughly convinced that we were in fact going to be parents. After the shock wore off we were really excited to start the adventure of parenthood.



Looking back on the story, it feels like lifetime ago. I knew before we were ever married what a great dad he would be, but I couldn't have imagined how much the man who needed to play a couple games and finish a couple beers to swallow the news of becoming a parent would be so consumed by our girls.

He loves and cares for them like no one else ever could. If you tell him the story he laughs and denies it was such a big thing to process, probably because we couldn't imagine our lives any other way.

Happy Father's Day to the best daddy I know! Our girls and I feel very lucky to have you.

Big Sister Blues

Amelia: I need jammies on.

Me: What about a bath?

 Amelia: I don't want a bath, I just want to go to bed.

Me: You don't want a bath?!

Amelia: No, Marinn poops in it every time.

After cleaning up a mess the past two nights, I can't say that I blame the kid. Marinn, what are we going to do with you? So sad to think this sweet little face may have forever ruined baths for big sister.



Marinn Was Here

I have a dreaded feeling third grade Marinn will be in trouble for etching into a desk

 'Marinn was here."

Birth Story:Amelia Ann

After continuously telling myself over the past three years that I would sit down and write the story of Amelia’s birth so that when she’s old enough to care I can recount for her the torture that is child birth I’m finally doing it. I actually would sit down to write it and get distracted by the many things that parenthood entails thinking to myself; ‘it’s not like you’re going to forget any of it. Who would forget something that big and important?” Oh, maybe me?

With a little collaboration with the husband here is the story of Amelia’s birth.

Be warned, this is not an ‘envision the flower opening, take a deep breath, and push out new life’ kind of story. I guess I’m an over sharer.

Four Years of Wedded Bliss

Today was Andy and I's fourth wedding anniversary. It seems like the longer we are together the sappier we get about such things because all I could think about today was my handsome husband and how great he is and how great the past four years have been (no such thing as hard times or disappointments today!)

I decided to dig out our wedding book and read through it while I attempted to make a version of our wedding cake to surprise Andy with (total fail, for the record.) As I read our vows I was reminded of why we didn't go the route of traditional vows and it made me giddy with excitement all over again that Andy chose me to embark on this crazy journey with him.

It's funny to think back at where we were in our lives then, never knowing this is where we would be today. It makes me excited to see where the next four years will take us.

Happy anniversary, Andy! I love you so very much.



I, Stephanie, take you, Andy to be my husband, my constant friend and partner, and my love.

I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.

I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.

I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.

Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.

Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.

I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.

Tiny Dancer

Amelia started dance class today. After weeks of anticipation it was finally here and she could hardly contain her enthusiasm as we got her ready for her class. She told me all about her tights and leotard as we put them on and she let me put her hair into a ponytail without a fight.  She tucked her dance shoes into the bag I made for her and stood at the door anxious to leave. I was more emotional than I expected when she told me in the car that I couldn't go to dance class that I could just drop her off. (We had discussed this prior to class but she was way too okay with it!) My baby isn't a baby anymore, she's a little girl. A very independent little girl.

I got to stand outside the class for the first few minutes and watch her as the class began. I had a nervous excitement for her as I watched her for the first time in a social situation like this without me by her side. I had a cheesy grin plastered on my face as she looked around uncertain of what she was doing, but not intimidated in the least.

The dance teacher was great with the girls, using nursery rhymes to associate the movements with the words of the songs and quickly changing from movement to movement to hold their attention. Amelia watched her wide-eyed as she took in everything she was saying.

I stood there looking through the window at this beautiful, confident little girl holding the bar and watching herself in the mirror and I couldn't help but be so filled with pride. My tiny dancer.

I retreated to the waiting room and waited until the class was over. When I came back to pick her up she ran to me grinning from ear to ear. She was so proud of herself for earning her treat from the teacher and so excited about her class. As we waited to talk to the teacher (she's only in the class on a trial basis because she's younger than the rest) she wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "I missed you momma." The kid melts my heart.

Let Your Imagination Run Wild

After spending entirely too long on the phone, bouncing back in froth between calling the hospital and the insurance company, I'm convinced that Marinn will be five and we will still be getting bills from when she was born.

Frustrated and seriously lacking patience I turned to quite Amelia who had come into the room for the umpteenth time and found her with a card in one hand, a pen in the other, and a phone sandwiched between her cheek and shoulder.

"Can I have your number? Ok bye. Let me get my checkbook. Hello? I have a baby Marinn. Have a good day. Let me write on my paper. Thank you."

She was busy scribbling down things on her imaginary paper, chatting away when she noticed me watching and set it down to come ask me to hold her. How could I resist that sweet little face looking at me?

She is getting so big, as is apparent with her ever-growing imagination. Within moments she is caught up in a story of her own having hilarious conversations between dolls, people on the phone, or retelling stories from visits with her cousins. I love watching as she and daddy build things with her legos and suddenly three blocks stacked together is a rocket ship on its way to the moon to get cheese and when a plate becomes her kitchen as she makes soups and noodles (her specialties)

It may be a small thing, but in the world of a two year old it's big. More evidence that my baby is getting older. I can already tell that the pages of my "Things My Kids Said" journal will be filling fast with things like:

"Christopher pushed me down in the grass. I said, 'That's not nice, Chris!' I see him and I pushed him in the grass and he cried and cried like a baby. That's silly. Yee haw cowboy." -Amelia 8/7/12, first time replaying a real event and adding her own ending

Best Girls

I feel so lucky to get to watch my girls grow and change. 

It never ceases to amaze me that I made these little people. They grew in my belly and during that time I would dream of what life would be like with them in it. 

The reality is so much sweeter than the dreams.

There are more challenges than I ever anticipated, but as the days pass those aren't the things I remember. I remember the sweet words whispered into the ear of a tiny baby as a big sister tells her, "We're best girls Marinn because I love you, love you." I remember the excitement in Amelia's face as she rushed in to greet the sleepy face in the crib. I remember seeing Marinn buried under a pile of toys as a big sister was 'sharing' so nicely. I remember the way Marinn laughed whole-heartedly only for her big sister. I remember the soothing voice Amelia used to comfort a cranky baby strapped into the car seat. 

They are so little yet they have such a strong connection already. They make me want to love bigger and give my love more freely. They are still untainted by the world and only know who they are and what they feel. 

In a way I envy that. It seems as though as we get older and experience more we become more reserved, more aware of other peoples perceptions, a little selfish, and we aren't always true to ourselves. 

I hope they are always 'best girls' and I want to do everything I can to help foster a strong relationship between them. It is the greatest feeling looking in the rearview mirror at two sweet, smiling faces. My best girls.

Pictures: Six Month and Two and a Half Year

After taking a few deep breaths and deleting a ton of terrible pictures from the disaster of a photo shoot, I found a few that may make it into a frame. When we bought my new camera I assured Andy it meant not spending absurd amounts of money taking the girls to get their pictures done. In my head I could picture my little angels sitting patiently, posed perfectly, as I figured out how to work the camera and the angles to get the good shots. The reality is that I can only take decent pictures outside because I'm clueless on lighting and my kids would rather play and eat grass than sit still to take pictures.

Still, when I look at these sweet little faces, I gush with pride. My little grass eating girls are growing and changing right before my eyes!

Moving in the Right Direction

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a crawler!

Tonight, in the midst of chaos and in the middle of the worlds messiest floor, my baby started crawling! We knew this was coming for a little while now, Marinn is quite the over-achiever. (I think she is trying to catch up to big sister.) She rolled over at two months, sat on her own at 4 months, got her first tooth at 4 months, and earlier this month started signing for milk. She is never content to sit still and has been worming her way around the house for a while by scooting backwards, spinning circles, and rolling around. More recently she started rocking up onto her knees and sitting herself up. Andy and I have been joking that she would start crawling and we wouldn't know it because we've been stalking watching her, waiting for it to happen. (Over compensating for doing things different the second time around?) And then it did! Those chubby knees lifted off the floor and she actually moved forward!